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We were discussing REF and citations and ""impact"" in our research centre meeting this afternoon and I would love to develop a platform for uncitable papers. Maybe as soon as a paper gets cited, it is deleted forever and the cache expunged.
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Maybe it searches for citations and, for any that it finds, it dynamically changes the text of the paper that is referred to in the citation. I imagine you could use a (sigh) machine learning language model for this.